Struggle Between What I Want & What I Gain !

03:00 am, The Dream Scene

it was a bright room,
a room that was surrounded by sunlight...
it was day and we knew it was a great day.
we were sitting beside the window,
in the sunlight.

"wow, long time no see ! how are you?
there are so many changes, in your face,
and in your body, seems you've lost so many weight !
heh I don't know ! I don't know...
so how's it going my friend?
oh, your hair has turned to white, why?
heh you seem so old !
no no I'm joking !"

he smiled !

"I'm so happy I'm here once again,
I'm so happy I have a chance to see you...
you know !
I thought it was all over, and I can't see you again."

he smiled, with no reply...

07:45 am, Waking Up From Sleep, In The Bed

I'm stuck in my bed, I swallowed in my sweat,
I stared to an unknown point you couldn't see,
although you are not here to see my point of view !
and if you were here, still you couldn't see my point of view...
ah this is what I wanted, this is what I needed,
but the result doesn't show what I expected...
I saw you in my dreams, as always,
and this is what I wanted.
but I'm crying, because I can't see you,
in my real life, in the real world, in the real time.

I had so many things to say,
but I've forgotten all of them...
the only thing I remember is the scene of the dream that I told.
you are gone, and I've missed you for awhile,
until I see you again and I close my eyes on my pains & scars !

All The Same Events !

In the first night,
I wore my headphone and played that song,
the most dreamy song I've ever heard in my life,
but that was not "Closer".
after more than 7 times of hearing that song, I fell into sleep.
and I had the most beautiful dream I could ever have.
I can't remember that dream now !

in the second night,
once again I wore my headphone and played that song.
and it played more than 7 times.
I fell into sleep and once again I watched that dream,
the dream that I had in the last night.
that was a song that led me to the most beautiful and endless
dream in the world.

Before the third night comes,
when I was at office, I desired to go home,
night comes, I jump into my bed and play that goddamned song.

the 3rd night comes,
but I've lost that song on my player.
I can't find that song and I don't have that song on any other places.
and I can't remember where and when I found that song.
I've lost that song forever. and I can't have that beautiful dream again.
that didn't happen for the third time and because of it the game didn't start.