روبرو : پشت و رو

در این تب می سوخت.0
صدا می پیچید و در آن پیچش صدا؛
او را در میان هر بود و نبودی یافتم.0
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اون روز عصر وقتی بهم رسیدیم؛
تو اون سکوتی که مدام به من تحمیل میشد بیشتر و بیشتر غرق می شدم.0
به دور و برم که ...0
* * *
در این تب می سوخت.0
صدا در سرش می پیچید و در سکوت غرق میشد.0
مرا در میان هر بود و نبودی گم کرد.0
* * *
هر چی فکر می کردم؛
که چرا درست همین الان بایستی لال مونی بگیرم
عقلم به هیچ جا قد نداد.0
احساس می کردم که دارم تقاص پس میدم؛
چشمام دیگه رمق...0
* * *
در تبی جانسوز می سوخت؛
ریشه اش در آب ولی مرگ را در من می دید.0
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حس بدی بود؛
جایی بودم که احساس می کردم بهش تعلق خاطر دارم؛
ولی مثل یه غریبه به دور و برم هاج و واج مونده بودم...!0
وقت نشد حتی درست ببینمش.0
گفتم خوب ! حالا که خوابیدی...! بذار واسه بعد.0
وقتی برگشتم تازه...0
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بر تبی چنان هولناک می سوخت.0
به خنکای صبح نرسید.0
به پرواز که درآمدیم؛ او پشت سر دست تکان می داد.0

برای او؛ می دانم که جانی دوباره یافته است

مردن؛
می بینی حرف تازه ای نیست !0
اینجا هیچ چیزی تازه نیست؛ جز آنکه مرده باشی؛
که حتی این نیز حرف تازه ای نیست.0
حرف تازه ؛ چگونه مردن است.0

وقتی می دیدم که آنجا دراز کشیده ای و کف پاهایت از زیر ترمه بیرون مانده است؛
زانوانم لرزید...بر روی پله ها دنیا به دور سرم چرخید...انکرو منکر را دبدم؛
و چه خوفناک بود آن هنگام که احساس کردم شاید دیگر نباشی؛
نفس نکشی و دیگر سیگارت را یکی بعد از دیگری روشن نکنی.
فندک اینجاست راست بالای سرت؛ بغل شمع.0
کاش می توانستم هر آنچه آن سو تر نمایش می دادی را ببینم؛
اما باور کن دیدن جنازه ات حال مرا دگرگون کرده بود.0

مردن؛
بازی مردن؛ بازی کردن با مرگ؛ شکار عزراییل؛
مهر هفتم...0

سرم به کنار صورتت که گذاشتم؛
اگر صدای نفست نبود شاید که می پنداشتم دیگر نیستی؛
و این نیستی پایانی بر بودن من نیز خواهد بود.0
اما تو مرده بودی تا زنده بودن را دوباره اندیشه کنی.0
هنوز هستی و می مانی و هنوز...0
کاش می دانستی که اینجا کسی نیز هر روز تمرین مردن می کند.0
بر روی بدنش بر روی روحش جراحات عمیقی است؛
ذهنش دیگر یاری نمی کند و دیگر توان تمرین ندارد.0
کاش او می دانست که تمرین مرگ کردن پایانش چه وقت است ؟
اصلا آیا پایانی بر آن استوار است؟
کاش او می دانست که اینک که تمرین مردن می کند چه موقع زمان مناسبی برای پس دادن جواب تمرینهاست.0
من از مردنت آموختم و می دانم که این آموختن چیزی بر خلاف آن روزهای با شکوه گذشته نیست.0
اگر سرد بود و بیمار شدم ؛ اگر همه چیز از آن سو آمده بود و من مجنون شده بودم؛
اگر همه بودند ولی من در آن سو مانده بودم؛ اگر تو بودی و من نبودم؛
اگر تو درجایی دیگر مردی و من نیز در جایی دیگر جان می دادم؛
اکنون تو دوباره می میری تا جان تازه ای بگیری و من در انتظار تو و او و همه آن چیزها می مانم؛
تا جان بکنم همانند همین زندگی ای که همچون خونی رونده از کالبد هستی من هدر می رود.0

کاش آن روز در کنار میز پایه بلند مشکی ای که جنازه ات بر روی آن بود؛
جایی برای من نیز می بود تا جواب تمام تمرین هایم را در کنار تو پس می دادم.0

برای ایلیا تهمتنی و هر آنچه در نمایشگاهش هنگام مرگش در دید من متصور شد.0
تهران 15 مهر 1386

به ساعت آویخته؛ چنین خیره

از آن خاطرات بگو...؛
حال که همه خوابند و من بیدار؛
تو در میانه بیداری و خواب؛
شاید که بر خیرگی من به آن دور؛
به آن ساعت آویخته بر دیوار؛
دوای دردی باشد.0

قبل آنکه آرام آرام روانه شوی؛
لبخندی بزن؛
قبل آنکه به این سو چشمانت را ببندی؛
از آن خاطرات بگو...؛
حال که همه می خندند و من آرام؛
به دور؛
به ساعت آویخته بر دیوار؛
خیره مانده ام.0

When It Was Over...

Undoubtedly your song was the best song,
singing on the stage, behind the door of paradise,
that never belongs,
to your beautiful last song.
My sweetest friend,
this is what I know about what happened.
Your song was the best song,
beware of the others' worst.
But they didn't listen to yours,
and those girls of Alabama won.
You sing for that kind of paradise,
that never belongs to anybody.

Struggle Between What I Want & What I Gain !

03:00 am, The Dream Scene

it was a bright room,
a room that was surrounded by sunlight...
it was day and we knew it was a great day.
we were sitting beside the window,
in the sunlight.

"wow, long time no see ! how are you?
there are so many changes, in your face,
and in your body, seems you've lost so many weight !
heh I don't know ! I don't know...
so how's it going my friend?
oh, your hair has turned to white, why?
heh you seem so old !
no no I'm joking !"

he smiled !

"I'm so happy I'm here once again,
I'm so happy I have a chance to see you...
you know !
I thought it was all over, and I can't see you again."

he smiled, with no reply...

07:45 am, Waking Up From Sleep, In The Bed

I'm stuck in my bed, I swallowed in my sweat,
I stared to an unknown point you couldn't see,
although you are not here to see my point of view !
and if you were here, still you couldn't see my point of view...
ah this is what I wanted, this is what I needed,
but the result doesn't show what I expected...
I saw you in my dreams, as always,
and this is what I wanted.
but I'm crying, because I can't see you,
in my real life, in the real world, in the real time.

I had so many things to say,
but I've forgotten all of them...
the only thing I remember is the scene of the dream that I told.
you are gone, and I've missed you for awhile,
until I see you again and I close my eyes on my pains & scars !

My Cup Of Coffee !

O' I needed a cup of coffee !
oh I had a cup of coffee...
someplace behind of me,
the place I couldn't see.
he brought me a cup of coffee,
and it was not a gift, it was just a cup of coffee,
it was coming from our friendship.
I needed that,
and I still need it.

the taste of this cup of coffee reminds me
of so many beautiful things,
so many stories, so many events,
so many people I had always desired to meet.
but all of them are gone
and I only feel those beautiful things
turned to the most betray things in my life.

we stand side by side and I look into our cups of coffee,
and I'm sure these two cups are the same with the same taste.
a good cup of coffee still makes me high !

I Always Lose My Best !

i thought that had been my last chance to see her,
and that happened again and i wasn't ready to taste that.
it happened and it will always happen.
i don't want to stay here anymore,
she will come with me and i will carry my best things,
before i lose them once again.

Chaos !

this was a room, of an unknown man who doesn't live here anymore.
all these things i see comes from our home,
and this place will be our jamming room.
this is me, and he is my friend who wants to play with me.
i never want it again but it still sings here and i love that.
i tune my guitar and plug my microphone,
i try to unplug myself from this place, but i can't.
he looks at me and i still tune my guitar, i try to remind something.
wish i tried it before...
this wasn't my intro for this song, but i play that kind of shit,
and all of us think we are in the right way.
this is the time i should sing, and this is what i tried to remind.
i close my eyes and send a noise to microphone.
he stands out there and still looks into my eyes.
i can't remind the lyrics and our time is over.

I Said My Excuses (But it Still Bothers Me)

no one knows, why i lay down,
it just kills me, with no gun.
no one feels me, because it robs me,
it drags me down, i hope it forgets me.

time passes, singer sings for grace,
and i'm sure, it's not me, it's pressure.
i hope you know, i can't stay anymore,
i should leave you, it's not me, it's pressure.

she stands toward me, and sings this song with me,
ah set me free. let it be free.
i told you behind the line, all about leaving you,
but i love you.

When I Say It One Thousand Times !

Always i remember the moments,
the moments when i was with you, in the city of lights,
between the laughters, murderers and friends.
i just wanted to know why i was in there,
and why i always desired to be with you,
and why there was only me,
why i appeared in your way, my brother.
hell yes...i lose them all, there is not justice for me,
and i adore the moments, when i say these words,
one thousand times...
...I'm the second and you are still the first...
you're still the one !

F !

Floating on mercury,
...what the hell are you doing up there ?


words of : Fouad Amiri
artworks by : Arash Khosronejad

Eiffel Lies In Parking !

"Arash gimme that pencil..."
"that's very nice boy."
"heh, yes ! Eiffel tower in..."
"...in parking !"
"yessss !"
"just imagine it."

phone rings

5 minutes later
"how should i draw that fuckin arc ?"
"mmm ! from inside, from here ...to here !"
"maybe, we should check it from Google Earth !"
"yeeeaaaahh !"

...and nobody ever imagines that Eiffel Tower was under re-construction, somewhere in Parking...

the Dead-End Street Cries

in this long, right and bright street,
that short, silent and dark dead-end street is mine.
my heart was broken by the shadows, my life was infected by them. Every sadistic dreams I expected to come true, went alive.
every sweet emotions are gone.
i'm living like this, the story of a boy who always misses.
i'm so sad my dearest, i feel so down my greatest.

nobody remembers his birthday and nobody remembers the time of death, may be yesterday, and may be tomorrow.
may be we fall in love together, tomorrorw, once again.
or just like everyday we forget each other, we bury it in yesterday.
in this short dead-end street, the time is so long,
the breath is so much longer...and Life doesn't exist any longer.
i'm so sad my dearest, i feel so down my greatest.

Until I Find Myself...

I love you,
but in this situation,
i can't show this feeling to you.
O' yes,
in this fuckin dark & mephitic crypt,
you shall stay
and promise yourself,
not to love me again.

3 Stories About The Despoileds & The Deads

vision no 1 : Despoliation
all those birds, despoiled.
those sick cats couldn't stay.
until the darkness of night comes,
they will disappear in the trash of the city.
traitors sleep comfortably.



vision no 2: Cracks Of The Stone
i don't know !
do you know ?
how to learn a child about how we can plan a perfect suicide,
to end our life.
and how is the way of telling the children
"why he commited suicide, because of his meeting with the day,
but that shiny sun stuck behind the mountains"

i don't know !
do you know ?



vision no 3 : Story Of My Friend, About How He Died
i can remember his birth,
in a crowded place,
when i lost myself.
when he had a smile on his face,
and didn't think about why he couldn't see me.
he said hello to the world and came out from my head.
that was in the beginning of the night.

and now i don't know what was the time,
when he died, when he passed away,
without any goodbye, without any farewell.
this is the way how i feel loneliness,

did he think we should be closer ?

Ashes Of A Friend

our one last day, when we were together,
when we were so high, when we were so low.
you sat alone on a bench, i was walking to you.
the people screamed, you was thinking about me.
when i reached to you, you said "i was thinking about you".
but i'm sure you weren't.

On My Stone

(just like a candle...)

the light of my candle fades in the wind,
and it doesn't make any sense to you.
because you never know what happened,
what happened to me,
and of course to my life.

all you said was about my reality,
and you thought it was a lie,
O' my brother, i lose it again.
and this time is so hard for me.

it writes one my stone, i was not reality,
because i was a dream and the man who lies beneath tried to make it real.
O' my sweet friend, accept all my excuses,
this wasn't a lie, and this wasn't a reality.
that was just a dream, and you was part of it.
you was part of it...
you was part of it...

but still i'm not sure.