The Parade Of Heaven's Tears

I passed so many roads, silent streets,

in the rainy cold nights and in the hot mornings.

all my big and small crimes passed before my eyes,

and I thought all those things will be only a big joke.

but all those beautiful soft crimes turned to a big mistake.

they told me it was a big mistake.

I don't know,

I don't remember how it was happened to me.

how can I take it easy when I can't keep it real.

how can you command me when I lose my mind.

let me learn how I can clean my tears from my face.

I passed so many highways, skyscrapers,

and I made some plans to what I should do with myself.

and now somebody tells me I had survived from those days,

but I can't believe about how heaven could be an abyss.

I didn't survive. if my beautiful heaven was a horrific abyss,

I swallowed in that, deeper, deeper, deeper.

how can I take it easy when I can't keep it real.

how can you try to pull the strings when there is no puppet.

let me know how I can recover those things,

how I can send my heaven, back to its place.

Struggle Between What I Want & What I Gain !

03:00 am, The Dream Scene

it was a bright room,
a room that was surrounded by sunlight...
it was day and we knew it was a great day.
we were sitting beside the window,
in the sunlight.

"wow, long time no see ! how are you?
there are so many changes, in your face,
and in your body, seems you've lost so many weight !
heh I don't know ! I don't know...
so how's it going my friend?
oh, your hair has turned to white, why?
heh you seem so old !
no no I'm joking !"

he smiled !

"I'm so happy I'm here once again,
I'm so happy I have a chance to see you...
you know !
I thought it was all over, and I can't see you again."

he smiled, with no reply...

07:45 am, Waking Up From Sleep, In The Bed

I'm stuck in my bed, I swallowed in my sweat,
I stared to an unknown point you couldn't see,
although you are not here to see my point of view !
and if you were here, still you couldn't see my point of view...
ah this is what I wanted, this is what I needed,
but the result doesn't show what I expected...
I saw you in my dreams, as always,
and this is what I wanted.
but I'm crying, because I can't see you,
in my real life, in the real world, in the real time.

I had so many things to say,
but I've forgotten all of them...
the only thing I remember is the scene of the dream that I told.
you are gone, and I've missed you for awhile,
until I see you again and I close my eyes on my pains & scars !

I Believe It...And It Always Makes Me Believe !

Through the Insomnia Times,
when i want to close my tired and puffy eyes,
suddenly, i remember everything i had,
everything that i don't have them anymore. i cry.
and this crying is just like thinking.
thinking about why i just cry for my wasted things,
but i didn't laugh when i had them.

through the Insomnia Times,
when i want to close my red & bloody eyes,
i yawn and try to sleep.
maybe i don't cry for my wasted laughs.